I made it!!

So the time has come when a sense of joy has overwhelmed my heart. Today I received notifiaction regarding my graduation date for my Associates in Business. I still plan on going into the Bachelors program but keeping it real with myself it took me forever to make it here so I think I'm gonna walk cause that Bachelors could take some time as well. This hasn't been an easy road for me. I've swithched my majors and even had to switch schools due to my failing of my math course repeatedly. However, through it all I didn't give up. Pregnant and all I was there. It was after my last child I decided to take a break and then switch my major. As far as a support system I haven't had one. I have been my own support. No one volunteered to keep my daugher while I went to school. So she stayed with her friends on nights when I had class. After my baby was born I realized that no one really would watch a baby so this is where I began my online journey. Last year I received my techinical certificate in office support but I didn't stop there. $30,000.00 in student loans and I still refuse to give up. Now with four weeks remaining in my Associates class I look back at it all and say I made it. Even my own father didn't have the faith in me that I could make it neither does he even ask how is school coming along but inspite of it all I have pushed myself. You see life wasn't handed to me on a silver platter but I made it my business to never quit even when at times I doubted myself. The world lies in await for my downfall but I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news..I may fall down but I get back up again and my fight is harder with every blow. So when people tell you that you can't you tell them that you can and you will and let that be your motivation to succeed. I did and look at me now....rising business owner, single parent, motivator, and to add to my list I am now a Phoenix! (Phoenix is the term for graduates of the University of Phoenix.)

Far Away From Here

I often love to sit and listen to the song Far away from here. I know the moral may be slightly different from the way I feel but all in all it is quite the same. Today started out all wrong and its ending... well lets just say no better than it started and that's with life. Never take my words and think I am ungrateful but the inner me wants and needs more. I really need to get away from all the stress and worries of the world and take a vacation to a place where no one knows my name. I know that many of you feel the same but just don't come out and say it. Well just know you are not alone. Everyone needs some time to get away. Time away from your job, kids, family, relationship etc. If you don't find this time then you may just self destruct. We may not be able to take a week but at least get you in one day. If you can turn off your phone or turn the ringer off. Take a walk on the beach or a walk in the park as fresh air is always needed to clear your head. As you take this walk ask yourself what can you change or let go that is holding you back and the next step is to just do it. However, most importantly seek someone who is supportive of you and is always there to encourage you. God is the higher being to take it to but he has angels here on earth to help him in the process. I know that I am a work in progress but I'm always here for any one of you if need someone to talk to, shoulder to cry on or even vent to. I'm getting far away tomorrow because if I don't then what good will I be to anyone else and I think it's time you take a day and do the same.

Dead Weight

Have you ever felt like the burdens of the world are weighing you down? Or that there are people in your life that are keeping you from excelling to that next level. These are the people that don't support you in anything you seek out to do. Whether it be to go back to school, to apply for that job, to step out on faith and open your own business or whatever the case my be they always have something negative to say. Well I've been there and back so many times and I think it's time to put myself on a weight loss plan that will remove all of this dead weight for good. Trials and tribulations will come as they are just a part of life and they are designed to make you stronger. Consider them the weights that you lift at the gym to help you tone up. Now the people that are holding you back you gotta hit the treadmill and walk right on out of their grasp while sweating that weight away. I'm tired of being weighed down and I am determined to live a healthier lifestyle. So will you join me? Are you ready for the challenge? I guarantee you that you will feel a whole lot better as I've already started!

Never Give Up

It's been a little over six months since I started this blog. As with anything that we put or minds to we expect results sooner than later. As time progressed I have gained a reader or two but not as many as I would have hoped. By now I just knew that my blog would be blossoming and that would give me more motivation to work towards my building. Well things haven't quite worked out like I hoped but instead of giving up I'm just going to strive harder. Quitting is always the easiest way to get out of something, but ask yourself what does that say about your character? If you keep quitting then what will you ever accomplish? I don't want to die knowing that I had dreams that I never full filled and some of them I may not but at least I will know that I died trying. II Chance may never make it to be that large corporation that I would like for it to be but this blog is evidence that I tried. Each and everyday that I log on and write a new blog that proves to me that I have it in me to make my dreams come true. The word can't no longer resides in my vocabulary as it means I can and never tried.

True Colors

I was once told when a person shows you their true colors believe them. I was kind of nieve to the phrase but life has taught me otherwise. I have friends and then I have real friends. Friends are those that just pop up here and there. Real friends are the ones that pop up here and there but when they pop up they never leave you high and dry. They always leave an impression on your heart whether it be from a kind word or two or just a gesture that they have done. I have a friend that I can honestly say I have never fell out with. She comes around periodically and she's always been very supportive. Never have I ever heard her say anything negative about me or my life. She has never judged me and if she did I will probably never know. Ahhh but then there are the others. The selfish self centered ones. I try to do unto others as I want them to do unto me but it doesn't quite work like that. Sadly, I am now seeing people for their true colors. 2011 has taught me so much without saying a mumbling word. Actions has caused a changed in the way I look at people for I now see them for who they are. We all need to take a step back and look at the people that we call friend. Evaluate their actions...birthdays, holidays, gatherings or just a time when you are down and really need a friend. Who sees through that fake smile and ask you "So whats really wrong?" Who is there when you are up and even when you are down. Those are the ones that deserve the title friend. It's time we all start looking with our eyes at the real picture and not the imitations!

A Womans Worth

A woman is worth far more than her weight in gold. She is more precious than any jewel. A woman is stronger than the world's strongest man. How is that you say? A woman carries the burdens of the world on her shoulder while keeping a smile on her face day to day. Her body goes through more changes than anyone can imagine while also having the ability to carry a child for nine months. With tears in her eys she can manage to say I'm ok knowing she's not but she has to remain strong. She cooks, cleans, pays the bills, go to work, raise the kids, go to school, be an active parent in the kids school life and an active parent in the kids life out of school. She's the nurse late at night when the kids are sick. She's the best friend that's always there to listen. She's a lover like no other. So why is it that there are so many women that don't know their worth? They allow themselves to abused mentally, physically and emotionally. They refuse to want more in life and make excuses as to why that can't have. Newsflash you are a woman! There are no boundaries as to what can be. The abuse needs to stop! The laziness needs to stop! The excuses needs to stop! Why limit yourself to what you can have? You can have that man if you let that man go (mr abuser). You can have that job if you get out and get it. Stop settling! You are a woman and it's time you know your worth!

Feelings

Sometimes feelings can get the best and then the worst of us. Feelings can cloud your judgement on things that may be of great importance. My vision was very cloudy in 1998-2000. So cloudy that I felt a dark cloud followed me around. I was miserable beyond means but because my heart was with him I stayed. Through the fights, lies, cheating etc I stayed like a fool. One day though I got on my knees and prayed to God to give me back my joy and that's what he did. I tried to fight it at first but then I realized it was my prayer being answered and I had to endure the hurt to get to my joy. Sometimes in life because we may feel so strong about a person we tend to cause more hurt and pain upon ourselves by allowing them to stay than to just let them go. This can be a relationship or even a friendship. Don't continue to allow those dark clouds to follow you. Time heals all wounds and trust me life will go on but why allow it to go on in misery. Yes I know some of you may be thinking....well we do have our happy moments as I did. However, when you tally the happy to the sad which outweighs the other?? My point is we all deserve true happiness as we only have one life to live so why not live it to it's fullest potential and that is happy. Never allow you inner insecurites deprive you of your joy! It's time to step out on faith and live by letting go!!

Forgiveness

I try not to go back and touch on subjects that I have wrote about before but sometimes I think we all can afford a refresher. I am one that can not 100% forgive a person for wrong doings and I know that the bible speaks of forgive as God shall forgive you but let me explain. I say I forgive but I don't forget and by not forgetting then I'm not totally forgiving. So often these days that has come to haunt so many people because grudges are being held and death takes away life then it's too late. One of the parties is gone. Going back to 2001 my mother and her neighbor had a very bad falling out. As the ambulance wheeled my mother out of her home her neighbor was standing upstairs looking down but neither mumbled a word to each other. Neither one of them knew that would be the last time they saw each other. Her neighbor said to me after getting word of her passing that she was sorry and that they both were too old to be feuding like they were but again it was too late for sorry. The moral of my blog today is not only to help you but to help myself. Right now I do hold ill feelings towards a few people but my reasons reflect around my kids and theres that one person who caused me more hurt than they will ever know. I was damaged mentally so for their forgiveness from me I have to pray hard.....real hard. For you my friends I'm quite sure there is that one person that you fell out with over he say she say I say you say or just something very petty, end it now. If it's nothing but an email, text, phone call or letter let that person know that you are willing to be the bigger person and let the past be of the past. I'm not saying that you have to be best buds or what have you but just don't let today go by without making amends. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone and it's a pain like no other to carry on once that person is gone. Ask me how I know........because I still ain't forgave myself!

Just one of those days!!

Have you ever had just one of those days. I ain't talkin bout one of those Monica days cause some people need to take it personal. I will be the first to openly admit that I try my hardest to be kind but somedays I just have to exhale. Sometimes you have to cry, vent, walk, excerise or do whatever it takes to release those inner feelings. There will be days when you feel like nothing is going right. Days when you feel that the world is on your shoulder. Days when the funds are low and the debts are high. Well I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We all have those days. Sometimes they come all to often and then for some they come sparingly. However, we have to look at the big picture......we've been there before and pulled through so what makes today any different than others? Nothing but the name of that day. It's ok to cry, be mad and just don't care to be bothered but just don't let it keep you down. Onething about me is that I'm not ashamed of my past nor present so I will openly admit to you all that I went to the pit of the pits but I came back up. I still have my days but I still make it through. Sometimes I have to remind myself when I'm having one of those days that it could be worse and that's what some of you need to do as well. Also surround yourself with positive things and people that will help you make it through those days. Sometimes all it takes is a few kind words that could turn that frown upside down.

How to love!

I've had my fair share of ups and downs and ins and outs when it comes to relationships but the one that hit me hardest was being in love with someone else's man. Yeah I said it! I fell hard for a man who could never be mine because for that one simple fact...he was married and no matter how much he said the words I love you I knew that love was not as strong as the love for his wife. So finally I made up in my mind that I had to let go. Cold turkey and it was hard at first but I did it. So now my guards are up. Why? Because I got attached to something that I let go that could never be mine anyways. As with any man/woman just as they walk into your life they can walk right out. My father taught me something just by watching his lifestyle from the outside. No matter how long him and his wife were apart she could always comeback home. However, now that he has found someone that he knows has his best interest at heart I'm honestly scared that he might mess it up. But why? Why do we let what's obviously bad for us come between what is good for us? My answer to that is we don't know how to love. Some of you might be saying ok she done lost me but no I haven't. How to love is to love yourself first. Don't put your heart into anyone that has the potential to hurt you. If he/she abuses you mentally, physically and emotionally then that's not love and if you stay then you honestly have no love for yourself. I finally fell in love with me and I must admit even though I may get lonely at times at least I know my heart is shielded!

The Pursuit of Happiness

I was asked a question this week that I was asked to present on my blog. The question is do you put money over happiness? For instance you are offered a job to shovel ditches and you do it because you don't have any other income. Day one they paid you $9.00/hr and after you finished shoveling the ditches they told you to fill it back up. Now this makes no sense but you do it anyways. The next day you go back to do the same thing but today there are more ditches and the hours are longer but they raised the pay by $2. Again after shoveling all this dirt out the ditches you have to pack them back. At the end of the day you are tired and really starting to think is it worth. The others have stated that they won't be back tomorrow if they are called to come back. Now you are left with the decision to make either work at a job you hate but the pay is good or quit and continue to search for what makes you happy? Sometimes the pursuit of happiness will lead you down a path of sadness before you can reach true happiness. I made up in my mind that I would never work for customer service again as it was a job that I hated but look at me now. I'm back on the phones and have been there for almost a year and a half and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon unless God see fit to send me something better.  I have two kids that I have to take care of so to quit my job and just focus on my dream to own my own business would be foolish. No income means no bills paid and no bills paid means no roof over our heads. So as you can see you have to put priorities over happiness sometimes because while waiting on that happiness you will lye in misery.

Day Dreaming

I can recall as a child I did a lot of day dreaming. I use to dream about how life would be when I was grown or about the boy down the street who I had a major crush on. As I grew up my day dreams started to drift away slowly as my focus shifted towards making my dreams a reality. How often in your life do you sit up and day dream about what life could, should or would be like? Well it's time to wake up up and make those dreams become your reality. It's only as hard as you make it. My dream of owning my own business is becoming a reality just based on the fact that I started this blog. God said if you take one step he will take two. Some things may appear to be of non existence but how will you ever know if you never try. For instance I have 9 followers of my blog but I post it on FB to share and have still yet to gain other followers but I don't feel bad about it. If I only had one follower then that's enough ammunition to get and keep me going. Stop making excuses and start making your dreams come true. I guarantee you that you won't be disappointed.

Running!!

Have you ever felt like you are running away from something? This something could be love, family, business, problems, etc! My thing that I'm running from right now is love. I know what I want and I see it in a person but for some reason I'm fighting it. I think the mind and the heart are two things that just don't see eye to eye and in this thing called love that's not a good thing. I'm learning though that I have to make a decision and that decision is to go with whats going to make me happy. When is it time to stand up to what you are running from and face it head on? If not now then when? After running for so long you get tired and once you are tired you eventually fall and it's at that moment when you fall that the very issue that you have been running from either runs over you or captures you and at that point you have either lost the battle or have to face it. So would you rather it beat you or you face it. After writing this I realize I am going to stop running and do what it takes to enjoy this thing called life! 

Forgive and Forget!`

A while ago I wrote about forgiving and forgetting on my Facebook page. I am always hearing that you have to forgive and forget but many of us forgive but never forget. Well just in case you didn't know that means that you never really forgive them because the thought always lingers in your mind. The hurt caused always lies within your heart and at every chance you get you bring up whatever that person did to hurt you . So how do you move on? You let go and don't look back. I know that may be hard to do but honestly do you think people change. Some but that percentage is slim to none and if you can't forget about what happened before then it will never work. As I have said before I lost a friend but got her back and I refuse to let her go ever again. We may not see eye to eye on some things but I've learned to value our friendship more and that's what has made things work. So in this case I changed. Now on the other hand when it comes to relationships in all that I have been in I fell for the I won't do it again but they did it again and it took something drastic to make me move on and I promise I will never turn back. So it's up to you as an individual to know whether you can look pass the hurt and pain and move on and not look back or to leave it as it is by letting go. Always remember to love someone else you must first love yourself and by setting yourself up for something you know is not going to work then that's not showing that you love yourself at all!

In the midst of it all!

Growing up I had many songs that I loved but it was one song that I always played on my way to church that made me cry every time I heard it. The song was "In The Midst Of It All" by Yolanda Adams. I think I cry because I've been through so much but some way some how I'm still here. I had a revelation today that made me just stop and think. Right now my plate is running over. Between finances, the kids, work and school I'm stretched thin. However, the one thing that in my mind would solve it all is money overflowing abundantly. Honestly that would solve about 95% of most of our problems but then there is still that other 5% and even though 5% is so small it really is so big. That 5% is the key to our happiness because money only makes you to be content with life because with enough or more than enough cash you can basically do as you please and not have to rob Peter to pay Paul. So now it's time to put on your thinking cap. What is your 5%? Money can buy you the house, car, clothes etc but what is it that it can't buy? Many of you may say love but I beg to differ. Reason being is because ladies when that man comes along that buys you everything and takes care of you, he may not have been your first pick but because he has done all these things and continues to do so you eventually fall in love. So basically he brought your love! Some of you may say that money can't buy you happiness.....wrong!!! That person that grew up struggling through life who never had money to do anything once they got money their whole world changed and life itself became something worth living for. I would like for you to share your thoughts with me on what your 5% is. If you tell me yours I'll tell you mine!

Family

Last week I received a text and in that text it defined what family is and what a strong family builds verses a weak family. I must admit I'm apart of the weak. Now when I say weak my term is used as it being one that is clearly divided in some instances I would even go so far as saying dysfunctional. Growing up I always heard a family that prays together stays together but funny we only pray together when its at funeral. Just today I read one of my cousins facebook statuses and her baby sister died. They weren't all that close but they were still blood. My point that I'm getting around to is why is it that death is only thing that brings a family close? We should treasure the time that we share here on earth with one another so therefore when it comes time to say goodbye we will have no regrets. I challenge you all to bring your family close to one another if you aren't already close. Plan family gatherings but one thing that I ask of you is that you never give up!

Seeking Love

Have you ever found yourself looking for love in all the wrong places? I think we all have. Right now I'm in a place where I'm tired of searching but rather yet waiting on Mr Right. I often wonder is he ever gonna find me. Quite frankly I am so tired of all these lames. What do you think is the perfect man/woman? What are the qualities that one should or should not portray? A major turn off is someone that is unemployed and the next is the one that the first thing they say is "So when can I come see you?" Can you say never????? I find myself set in my ways now but I still get lonely at times but I don't want a man in my life for convenience but rather for true love. Someone that knows how to treat a lady by not only winding and dining but being that listening ear, that best friend and that provider. I was raised to be independent but I think my major issue is letting a man be a man. I'm not gonna throw in the towel just yet cause I'm holding on to the ounce of faith that I have that he is out there somewhere.

Mother's Day

Just wanted to check in and wish you all a Happy Mother's Day! It's been a very sad day for me. I pray that you all enjoy your day!

A Game of Spades

Everyone that knows me knows that I love to play cards. My momma hosted card parties from Thursday through Saturday and sometimes Sunday if Monday was a holiday. The one thing she taught me was how to play to win. You never know what the other person has in their hand but if you don't take a chance then you could lose. So I'm learning that life is just like that game. If I never take a chance then most likely I will lose. I know that not everything I will win at but nothing beats a failure than a try. I'm so sick of I can't so now my thoughts are when. When will I purchase my home? When will II Chance have a building and a staff that will assist in making my dreams of owning my own business come true? When will my husband come along to complete my family? When will I be able to drive a new not used car off the lot? When will I be able to go check my bank acct and see more than one comma? Some of you have the same thoughts or may have accomplished some of the things that I want to but you want more. As long as we limit ourselves to what we can and can't do we will never get anywhere. They say the sky is the limit but from what I hear there are footprints on the moon!

Almost Gave In!

Today was a day of one disappointment after another. I guess you can say it was a test. I been around here acting like my life so peaches and creams and that can't nothing get me down. Well today slapped me with all it's mite! First the position I wanted to post out for does not hire for temps. Then just as I thought things were looking up the donor calls and says he gets fired so I can say forget about child support for a while. Next I had to damn near my 3 year old for crying cause I say she can't have a cheeseburger just to get pulled over 5 minutes later by the police for my brake lights.  At that point I was like what the hell??? Oh but it didn't stop there. I go to take a walk around the track and the other baby daddy fiance or whatever she want to be called there staring. Get home to my daughter ruining my dinner that all she had to do was watch over and to top it all off my baby girl think she Tarzan and swing on my sofa and missed her landing just to hit her head on the ground with a thud!!! Now how many of you have had a day like that? Yeah I must admit it has me undoubtedly irked but I'm about to go to my comfort zone and let the tears flow and leave them right there. I have to get it out and venting only makes me even more mad. Crying is my outlet and prayer is my redeemer. So yes I almost gave in today but instead of giving in and starting to hold my head down I'm going to give it up to God and still walk with my head held high!