Forgiveness

I try not to go back and touch on subjects that I have wrote about before but sometimes I think we all can afford a refresher. I am one that can not 100% forgive a person for wrong doings and I know that the bible speaks of forgive as God shall forgive you but let me explain. I say I forgive but I don't forget and by not forgetting then I'm not totally forgiving. So often these days that has come to haunt so many people because grudges are being held and death takes away life then it's too late. One of the parties is gone. Going back to 2001 my mother and her neighbor had a very bad falling out. As the ambulance wheeled my mother out of her home her neighbor was standing upstairs looking down but neither mumbled a word to each other. Neither one of them knew that would be the last time they saw each other. Her neighbor said to me after getting word of her passing that she was sorry and that they both were too old to be feuding like they were but again it was too late for sorry. The moral of my blog today is not only to help you but to help myself. Right now I do hold ill feelings towards a few people but my reasons reflect around my kids and theres that one person who caused me more hurt than they will ever know. I was damaged mentally so for their forgiveness from me I have to pray hard.....real hard. For you my friends I'm quite sure there is that one person that you fell out with over he say she say I say you say or just something very petty, end it now. If it's nothing but an email, text, phone call or letter let that person know that you are willing to be the bigger person and let the past be of the past. I'm not saying that you have to be best buds or what have you but just don't let today go by without making amends. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone and it's a pain like no other to carry on once that person is gone. Ask me how I know........because I still ain't forgave myself!

Just one of those days!!

Have you ever had just one of those days. I ain't talkin bout one of those Monica days cause some people need to take it personal. I will be the first to openly admit that I try my hardest to be kind but somedays I just have to exhale. Sometimes you have to cry, vent, walk, excerise or do whatever it takes to release those inner feelings. There will be days when you feel like nothing is going right. Days when you feel that the world is on your shoulder. Days when the funds are low and the debts are high. Well I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We all have those days. Sometimes they come all to often and then for some they come sparingly. However, we have to look at the big picture......we've been there before and pulled through so what makes today any different than others? Nothing but the name of that day. It's ok to cry, be mad and just don't care to be bothered but just don't let it keep you down. Onething about me is that I'm not ashamed of my past nor present so I will openly admit to you all that I went to the pit of the pits but I came back up. I still have my days but I still make it through. Sometimes I have to remind myself when I'm having one of those days that it could be worse and that's what some of you need to do as well. Also surround yourself with positive things and people that will help you make it through those days. Sometimes all it takes is a few kind words that could turn that frown upside down.

How to love!

I've had my fair share of ups and downs and ins and outs when it comes to relationships but the one that hit me hardest was being in love with someone else's man. Yeah I said it! I fell hard for a man who could never be mine because for that one simple fact...he was married and no matter how much he said the words I love you I knew that love was not as strong as the love for his wife. So finally I made up in my mind that I had to let go. Cold turkey and it was hard at first but I did it. So now my guards are up. Why? Because I got attached to something that I let go that could never be mine anyways. As with any man/woman just as they walk into your life they can walk right out. My father taught me something just by watching his lifestyle from the outside. No matter how long him and his wife were apart she could always comeback home. However, now that he has found someone that he knows has his best interest at heart I'm honestly scared that he might mess it up. But why? Why do we let what's obviously bad for us come between what is good for us? My answer to that is we don't know how to love. Some of you might be saying ok she done lost me but no I haven't. How to love is to love yourself first. Don't put your heart into anyone that has the potential to hurt you. If he/she abuses you mentally, physically and emotionally then that's not love and if you stay then you honestly have no love for yourself. I finally fell in love with me and I must admit even though I may get lonely at times at least I know my heart is shielded!

The Pursuit of Happiness

I was asked a question this week that I was asked to present on my blog. The question is do you put money over happiness? For instance you are offered a job to shovel ditches and you do it because you don't have any other income. Day one they paid you $9.00/hr and after you finished shoveling the ditches they told you to fill it back up. Now this makes no sense but you do it anyways. The next day you go back to do the same thing but today there are more ditches and the hours are longer but they raised the pay by $2. Again after shoveling all this dirt out the ditches you have to pack them back. At the end of the day you are tired and really starting to think is it worth. The others have stated that they won't be back tomorrow if they are called to come back. Now you are left with the decision to make either work at a job you hate but the pay is good or quit and continue to search for what makes you happy? Sometimes the pursuit of happiness will lead you down a path of sadness before you can reach true happiness. I made up in my mind that I would never work for customer service again as it was a job that I hated but look at me now. I'm back on the phones and have been there for almost a year and a half and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon unless God see fit to send me something better.  I have two kids that I have to take care of so to quit my job and just focus on my dream to own my own business would be foolish. No income means no bills paid and no bills paid means no roof over our heads. So as you can see you have to put priorities over happiness sometimes because while waiting on that happiness you will lye in misery.

Day Dreaming

I can recall as a child I did a lot of day dreaming. I use to dream about how life would be when I was grown or about the boy down the street who I had a major crush on. As I grew up my day dreams started to drift away slowly as my focus shifted towards making my dreams a reality. How often in your life do you sit up and day dream about what life could, should or would be like? Well it's time to wake up up and make those dreams become your reality. It's only as hard as you make it. My dream of owning my own business is becoming a reality just based on the fact that I started this blog. God said if you take one step he will take two. Some things may appear to be of non existence but how will you ever know if you never try. For instance I have 9 followers of my blog but I post it on FB to share and have still yet to gain other followers but I don't feel bad about it. If I only had one follower then that's enough ammunition to get and keep me going. Stop making excuses and start making your dreams come true. I guarantee you that you won't be disappointed.

Running!!

Have you ever felt like you are running away from something? This something could be love, family, business, problems, etc! My thing that I'm running from right now is love. I know what I want and I see it in a person but for some reason I'm fighting it. I think the mind and the heart are two things that just don't see eye to eye and in this thing called love that's not a good thing. I'm learning though that I have to make a decision and that decision is to go with whats going to make me happy. When is it time to stand up to what you are running from and face it head on? If not now then when? After running for so long you get tired and once you are tired you eventually fall and it's at that moment when you fall that the very issue that you have been running from either runs over you or captures you and at that point you have either lost the battle or have to face it. So would you rather it beat you or you face it. After writing this I realize I am going to stop running and do what it takes to enjoy this thing called life! 

Forgive and Forget!`

A while ago I wrote about forgiving and forgetting on my Facebook page. I am always hearing that you have to forgive and forget but many of us forgive but never forget. Well just in case you didn't know that means that you never really forgive them because the thought always lingers in your mind. The hurt caused always lies within your heart and at every chance you get you bring up whatever that person did to hurt you . So how do you move on? You let go and don't look back. I know that may be hard to do but honestly do you think people change. Some but that percentage is slim to none and if you can't forget about what happened before then it will never work. As I have said before I lost a friend but got her back and I refuse to let her go ever again. We may not see eye to eye on some things but I've learned to value our friendship more and that's what has made things work. So in this case I changed. Now on the other hand when it comes to relationships in all that I have been in I fell for the I won't do it again but they did it again and it took something drastic to make me move on and I promise I will never turn back. So it's up to you as an individual to know whether you can look pass the hurt and pain and move on and not look back or to leave it as it is by letting go. Always remember to love someone else you must first love yourself and by setting yourself up for something you know is not going to work then that's not showing that you love yourself at all!